unsent draft messages

You were supposed to be found within

Away from the cacophony of the world

Somewhere buried beneath the rubble of all my lifetimes

Pushing away the rocks, I’d find you

I know I heard you, 

In each chord,

In the space between each note

The flutter from within

As though my heart took flight

Into a fever dream

Clouding all judgements until only your rains remained

Soaking me through

Cooling my fever

Unstitching myself one thread at a time 

Untethering my soul

If I were to believe in such things

Perhaps, I’d believe in you

Your wingbeat breeze

Adrift already before it arrived

Are you a reaction, a spark or is this fleeting sensation the only moment I stop being?

If so, then captivate me until I am no more

For when I searched for you within

Under the ruins of every last time 

All I found was, myself

Languishing in the dark

Searching for those chords again

Searching for your joy again

Pushing past me as if some nuisance

Disturbing his search

An obstacle in his way

I feel his enmity

As though I don’t belong

An intruder in his territory 

A discord, distorting the melody

Disinterested in the irony of our duality

That we seek the same chords

The same soaring crescendos

Yet when we search for you

When we search for the void

We only find each other

In the way again and again and again