I think I’m coming down now
Reacquainted with myself,
I’m breaking down now
Tears choke my breath,
I’m drifting down now
As light tears through the veil of your corona
Consumed by this blinding sun,
I’m crashing down now
Don’t melt my wings I beg,
In your eyes I wanna soar,
I wanna fly with you some more…
Submitting to your lips
Like a dervish,
Whirling on your fingertips
Reborn in your eclipse, my elixir, my healer,
You’re the high, the supply and the dealer
The balm to my scars
The unbroken line from your palms to mine
A lifetime within a moment,
A moment of serene calm…
Your eyes in the storm,
Keep me warm, adrift and awash in your hue
I’m soaked through,
So let me drown in you
Submerged in your waters,
Let me drown in you
At one with your aura,
I’m spiralling in to you
So let me drown,
Let me drown,
Just let me drown in you..
Tag: love
-
Morning snooze
Beep beep beep!!
Snoozing that cursed alarm
On cue, you dive right in
The duvet starts rustling
A blanket of leaves billowing in the wind
Tugging on my pillow
Nuzzling into my chin
My cue…
Kissing the top of your cheek,
Feeling your nose wrinkling
You’re smiling now…
And though outside it might be drizzling
I’m in here with you..another day
Another day, another win
Such a simple thing
The simple things jaan
Making me feel like a winner
Like..
Like I’ve got everything
Everything right here
Under this duvet, with you
Jaan come,
Come roll over this way
Let me hold you through another snooze
On this lazy, hazy morning
Pretending we ain’t got nowhere to be
Snuggling in a pretend deep sleep
Huddling up so close to me
Till my stubble tickles you into a little giggle that belies your Sleeping Beauty routine
If only jaan,
If only we could disarm the alarm and stay laying this way all day
Until my arm is the only thing left on snooze
Kya khayaal hai? – what do you think
What do we have to lose?
Let them wait
How could we be late?
Like I said before…
We’re already here x
-
Ice dance
You live in a little snow globe in my heart
I can shake it up and watch as the snow adorns you anew,
Smile and relive that frozen moment—
That fragile, timeless void where we danced,
Where you were mine,
Where it was too warm for snowflakes to touch
I can still tap on the glass,
Hold that little world within,
Where I always kept you,
Quietly adored you
Though now,
I’ll always remain on this side,
Peering through the snow
I can’t join you anymore
My world cannot be held,
At least not by these hands
But no one can take this you from me—
This you, immortalised,
This you, for me alone
For this, I thank you.
I’ll let the snow settle now…
It could never touch you anyway.Imagery inspired by this scene from the film Edward Scissorhands: https://youtu.be/J6xzL0TrsRY
-
Potpourri
I want to find a forgotten old photo,
on my phone when it says ‘remember the day when…’
Then fall in love all over again
Get those old butterflies to dust their wings
Ask this old heart to skip a beat and sing
Knowing where those blurry smiles would lead
Like a lush gardens very first seed
The sweet fragrance of nostalgia in bloom
Instead of the dried petals that perfume this room…
…how do I disable this memories thing?
-
In the stars
The universe may be infinite—
As I believe is love
Yet just as the universe entropies,
Eventually,
love drifts,
sometimes lightyears away—
fragmented
Given away willingly,
sometimes unwittingly,
Fallen into orbits long left behind,
or ahead
It’s hard to say which way;
that’s the trouble with entropy
All I know is, it lives on, apart from me—
not created nor destroyed
Timeless fractures, destined to be,
stardust stretched across the galaxy’s expanse,
glancing back with longing and askance,
yearning to be whole again,
a burning comet in pursuit of its own tail
To that end, it will surely fail,
but oh, the tales it would tell if it could
The thought’s a comforting one,
even if futile
So I quiet the longing,
close these eyes,
and smile.
You’re all in the stars now,
as you always were,
and will always be
-
Eye to I
We are no longer lovers,
This, I can see…
We are no longer one,
That is evident to me.
So I ask of you, old friend,
If our paths, ever cross again,
Please, do not meet my eyes,
For I cannot trust that my heart will agree,
That this was all we were ever to be—
To be once upon a time,
And then never to be,
From a gaze to a glance…inevitably,
That we are no longer lovers,
Whatever my eyes may see,
Whatever my eyes may see…
-
To forget your name
Jaan, I hold the memories close:
In the pause between breaths,
In the stillness between thoughts,
In the calm between moments.
I whisper your name—
How long since it danced on my lips?
How long since my heart skipped to its mention?
This self-inflicted torment—
Disrupting a sunny day,
Disturbing a mind seeking solace.
Oh, to forget it all:
The pain of losing you, yesterday,
The dread of remembering you, tomorrow…*Jaan = Urdu / Hindi term of endearment meaning life
-
Sunday brews
I woke up late this blessed Sunday morning
No rush today, even the birds were yawning
All my chores done, there’s nothing for me to do
Nothing to do, except feel blue over you
I wasn’t expecting any guests today
So why were the blues standing in my hallway?
I barely set foot out of my bedroom
As upon my shoulders climbed the gloom
Please not today! I begged and I pleaded
I had a good week, I thought I succeeded?
The blues turned to me yet said nothing at all
His silent treatment always makes me feel small
So I guess we’re doing this? Fine let’s make some tea
No need for two cups, he just likes to watch me
The sun was still outside but that is where it stayed
Today the blues and I, will parley in the shade
Did you miss me all week? Is that why you didn’t knock?
Sorry friend I was busy running down the clock
Filling my time with all sorts to fill it
Holding it together so I dont accidentally spill it
What shall we talk about then old friend?
I won’t say ‘Im fine’, no need to pretend
Regret, guilt or shall we try something new?
Whatever it is friend, just make sure it’s true
You have a penchant for adding extra spice
Trust me though, what we already have will suffice
Just don’t take up the whole day please
Leave at least some of it for me to seize…
-
The day the moon fell out of the sky
Oh hi there!
Come over it’s freezing!
Come catch the heat off this fire
Stand closer if you like
The situation is pretty dire
Honestly mate, I can’t see an end in sight
Might be worth investing in a warmer coat
You don’t want to test your resilience to the cold
I promise you that much
You’ll be clutching your chest and freezing
Did I say invest?
I think those days are gone
Maybe in your grandkids lifetime we’ll be back there again
Granted I have no idea
But what with this basically being an apocalypse
I’m not sure if crypto captures the zeitgeist of now
Somehow it all seems so abstract
We were so privileged to be distracted from our fragility as flesh and blood beings
Sorry, I tend to ramble..
I shouldn’t blurt out ‘blood’ to strangers
It’s unbecoming
If you don’t mind however I have a question to pester you with
Do you remember where you were?
What you were doing?
The day it all went dark
Yes right?
I guessed right!
Hahaaa!
I confess I
Only asked so I can bore you with my story
Visitors are so few now
It feels like I’m invisible sometimes
Allow me some time please
Time to defrost the moment and let it thaw
The moment when I saw the moon fall out of the sky
It was a balmy Indian summer night
You know that fake summer right
I happened to be walking along the coast
The cliffs appeared as though someone bit the crust off a sad looking sandwich
I prefer mountains you see
The sea to me is..sorry I digress
By the coast as the stars were waking up
Shaking up the canvas of the sky as only they can
Paralysed by the majesty of the celestial void unfolding
As if it was holding me by the shoulders
Compelling me to look up
I folded my arms closed
The vastness of it all
Sent a cold shiver right through me
Honestly the heavens threw me like never before
And still it wasn’t done yet
No way my friend
So I decided to sit
The wind worn grass looked as if the ground had been painted
Atop this scruffy ledge I waited
Baited by the heavens, I waited
Adding small clouds to the nightscape above with each escaping breath
And finally as the whisps of stray clouds parted
There she was
Not a moment sooner
Unfortunately for this impatient lunar-tic (sorry!)
I’m talking about the moon of course!
I’d seen her like everyone else, thousands of times before
Tonight though there was something more
Or should I say less?
Impressive as always but how can I put it?
Dimmed?
Depleted?
She seemed incomplete
Im certain that if an eclipse occurred that day
Sunlight would pierce through
The moon never had a fierce aura
She was a gentle beacon of hope
For me at least
A feast for the eyes and soul
I talked to her often
Her light softened the darkness in me
So it was odd to see her so… vulnerable?
In hindsight it was sort of inevitable
Her plight was a long time coming
I overheard on the news that we were hurting her
Something about over polluting
And all the looting going on
Was straining the moon’s pull
Too many looked to her
Her schedule full
We were told to be considerate
Help each other and be kind
Not blindly look to her but to look around
Find our own answers
Give her a chance to breathe
There were documentaries made I remember
Studies showing the moon was starting to crumble
But we scoffed
It’s the moon!
She belongs to us
Scaremongering would not fool us
Alas
Foolish foolish little birds we were!
Our moon the Empress of the night sky
Falling into a depression and we didnt ask why
Our moon that gave and gave
We could’ve at least tried you know
There I go rambling again
As though ambling through my memories will delay the final chapter
So yes, where was I?
Sitting on the cliff edge soon after sunset
Worried sick at my moon looking so upset
I adjusted my feet
Loose rocks tumbled down the chalk face
Gosh if you could see her face
Im ashamed to admit I saw it every night
The beauty and the sadness
I abused her and stole her gladness
Blind to her despair
Ignoring her disrepair
For like all of us, my needs trumped hers
We all looked to her
But we didn’t see her
We talked to her
But we didn’t hear her
In the pervasiveness of the night
Her ubiquitous presence was taken for granted
The moon!
It’s always in the sky!
Well, that night
On that cliff edge
I saw, as she teetered over the sea
She stood as unsteady as her reflection
I heard her crumble
Like hailstone beating a drum on the waters surface
Screams began to echo across the horizon
As more and more of us witnessed the horror unfold
As our beloved moon unravelled
She looked so betrayed
Dishevelled and dismayed
And we were all to blame
We heard her cry
On the winds of the night
Her cries found themselves homes in once deaf ears
But my friend it was too late
Not one of us thought to look up to her and ask what she needed
And she needed so little
She just needed to be needed
And to be heard
It’s absurd how simple it should have been
And so you know the rest
As we cried and prayed for her to hold on
She began to fall
Our once mighty moon
Would be gone soon
The fall was so slow
I almost felt like I could catch her
Save her
Instead of savour her
But I couldn’t
I saw her sink beneath the waves
Along with the rest of us
That silent night was pierced with the echoes of her cries!
And now those cries live within
Since that fateful day
The day the moon fell out of the sky
-
A chorus of crows
Feeling numb to the world
The crows caw again and its jarring
I feel nothing
I refuse
Utterly bemused and broken
Lost and confused
I leave the window open
Hoping you’ll fly home to me
And we’ll cry in an embrace
I’ll wipe away the tears
And trace once again your face
The contours and lines
Will once again be mine
And we’ll become one in time
Unselfed and unshackled
Indifferent to idle chatter
Far above the cackle of the crows below
They’ll watch on in envy
At how high we soar
As we leave behind this earth with laughter
Forever entwined in a timeless ever after
-
Senses
If I were to love with just my senses, then I’d forget you at goodbye
Senses are mere vessels to manifest you into this world
Goodbyes have no place here
-
Coveting nostalgia
Pain embrace the warmth of rays that beseech your clouds to part
Intertwine your fingers with her and tell the rains no more
Learn how to love the memories and yearn to form a scar
You grow listless lost in this wistful mist
Seek solace in the chapters closed, for you rode the pen to the end
Now draw in this night and seek the dawn of the next
Let the bitter slowly sweeten, for we are broken now but we are surely not yet beaten
-
On pause
I always teased about how very small you were
How so far removed away from very tall you were
Now that very small you has burst a hole in me
Taken all the air and the very soul of me
Can’t believe I won’t be fighting with your hair no more
Can’t believe I’m writing that we are no more
Can’t be me without a you, not the me that I know
Can’t conceive that I’m to grieve and to receive no more
You were poetry
A Pandora’s box
You were electricity
Energy on tap
We can both agree
We can both agree
Yet now I write in tenses made for yesterday
I write to you but you’re no longer here to say
That you love it or you hate it, it’s just me today
Longing for your loving
It’s just me today
Knowing youre not coming
I’m so sad to say
Can’t let it fade away
Why does it fade away?
Where do these words come from?
Where were they when your eyes were crying ‘say something?’
Don’t overthink the words just bloody say something
Something loving without trying
Why won’t you say something?
Just say something!
You were everything
In the sense that I didn’t sense it
You were everything
The joy, the pain the laughter
All the little things
Be it blessing or disaster
You were everything
You were my everything
Not just the pretty parts
Though truth be told
You made up most of all the pretty parts
Mixed in among the witty and the gritty parts
Not forgetting to add in the total fitty parts
You really stood apart
You really stood apart
Now apart we sit and it rips the heart from me
You left with everything
Why won’t you take the dark from me?
You left your mark but now it’s too damn dark to see
Come won’t you help me see?
See that little bit of you that I stole from you
The little spark within my soul I stole from you
That same one that burst the hole
Like it was the whole of you
It was the whole of you
Now I long to tease about how very small you were
How so far removed away from very tall you were
How long it’s been since the last memory
There’s none newer
None of the joy or the bliss or last kiss of yours
Like someone came along and left us stuck on pause
Are we stuck on pause
Who left us stuck on pause?I’m pressing all the buttons but the screen won’t change
Keep pressing home but nothing happens, someone please explain
I must complain this is insane
That we are left estranged
Truth be told though..I think I am to blame
I really am to blame
Such a shame
-
Limelight
Everyone tells me it’s simple
It’s seems so simple in theory
In a feeling, in a poem, in my heart I feel it all
So why won’t my mind let me believe?
Why does it fight love with fear?
I just want to be here and live the story
Not write my own
It’s a vast stage already
Why do I insist on doing improv in the cloakroom?
You can’t have dialog while reciting a soliloquy
Hear what is said and not what you think
That’s what I think people try to say
Reality is out there but what is real?
Their version or mine?
I have to trust that they nor I know
Yet we have to trust the dialog and engage
Here comes the fear demanding certainty
This floor open to unpredictability overwhelms me
Or is it you fear, that is overwhelmed?
I’m curious to see down the road
You wish to know it all before you know
See the end before we’re into the second act
At least read a review first
Yet this stage never ends
Exit stage left brings us right back to where we are
So next time let’s stay in the limelight a little longer
Or shall I say, I stay in the limelight
I can hold your hand in the shadow if you want?
But you follow me
-
Autumn leaves
I snapped out of my daydream
Rustling leaves outside
It must be you
I drew back the curtains
I drew in an excited breath
Sadly not true
Perhaps a shrew running through
Or a ghost
An echo maybe
At most my imagination
Fooling myself
Soothing myself
Closing the distance
Your fingertips to mine
Your eyes to mine
Your breast my headrest
Surrendering to you
At peace with you my love
You..
Deserving of praise beyond asinine musings
Your memories confuse my solitude
When the sun shines I wonder if it touched you first
Did this breeze carry your voice?
How did you become mine in the first place?
How did you hear me through the noise?
Why me?
Why us?
Rhetorical questions
Spare me an answer my love
I’m lost once again
Absent-minded reflections
Mirroring my absent love’s perfections
All this from a rustling of leaves..
-
Boxes piled high
There were no more boxes left to fill
Standing like a cardboard nightscape
A fragile tribute to the city you were escaping
I used my practical voice and avoided your eyes
Feeling the void looming
Navigating the boxes
Resisting the urge to turn them upside down
This day was always coming
So far away it seemed in the spring
So far away you were about to goWhy were you going?
Please stay with me!..
Be still…
Eyes down now
Be strong…The boxes were full
I was holding your dark blue coat
The one with the furry collar
The one, that tickled my nose when I leaned into rest my head next to yours
Wondering if I could hide it to make you stay, for 5 minutes more
All the boxes were full
You saw me dithering and smiled slightly
There was a tiny bit of room left in the big box
You folded as I pressed down to make space
It wouldn’t fit but I pushed harder
Suddenly the side split and I almost fell in
You spluttered a little laugh as I climbed out
We finally looked at each other grinning
On our knees, beside your bed
The box overflowedI saw your eyes again, for the first time
But, this time we smiled politely and parted
You were not the one
No hard feelings as we said goodbye
No memories to put into boxes
No torn cardboard revealing the mess
We never sat on the floor, exploring each others faces
I never saw your questioning eyes
Why did I let you go?
Why didn’t I beg you to stay?
Why did I let you down?We both laughed, as our eyes betrayed us
I clenched my teeth to stop the smile cracking
But it cracked, when I saw your brow quiver
And we cried,
And cried,
And cried
Holding you in this chapter for the last time,
I cried
You should never have had to go
It shouldn’t have been me that said goodbye
If I could rewrite our story
You would never have loved me
-
A shot for hope
Sitting here again
Thinking, drinking
Smoking something straight up stinking
Reminiscing all the faces that be missing from my life
Spinning stories of strife on the edge of knife
Carving off the fat to show the starving soul
The story untold
The voice that’s never heard, it’s absurd all the words that we use
More red herrings than clues that we use to confuse
Hiding all the skeletons cos that shits too gory
Dressing it up in synonyms
You say it’s allegory
It’s simple really
I’m sick of feeling sad
Sick of waiting for the sun
Sick of pretending to be glad
Sick of people being sick
And coughing up their lungs
Sick of missing all the laughter
Sick of worrying about my mum
Sick of seeing people dying
Sick of coffins on the news
Sick of not seeing anyone
Sick of the world being stuck on snooze
Sick of hearing about the sickness
Sick of the hate and all the lies
Sick of sitting here just sitting
Sick of being too scared to go outside
Feeling restless and lazy it amazes me how the days gone by are one big hazy mess
Distressed I confess I fear I’m far less than who I was
It’s just my anxiety man
It shouldn’t scare me but it does
There I said it
I spoke it into existence
Some days are heavenly but others I have to be persistent
Resisting the urge to sit quietly and listen to the words it puts in my head
I have to fight hard to seize the day
And believe in myself instead
For the love of life and for the love of my life
Since this day is all there is
There’s gotta be a better way
Man this ain’t no way to live
Here’s to hoping so let me just say
I hope that we can dance again
Hope that we can laugh again
Hope to wipe your tears with my own hands when we can hug again
Hope that you’re still friends of mine
Hope that we can jam sometime
Hope that we can say we’re not ok and not just say I’m fine
Hope that we will fly some day
Drink cocktails in the sea some day
Hope that I can learn to swim and chase you down the beach some day
Hope there’s queues outside the bars
Hope that we can see the stars
Hope that all the wounds can heal
And all we have to show is scars
Hope we see some better times
Hope I write some happy rhymes
Hope to reminisce about all this like it was all a dream sometime.
-
Strange love
Love is a strange thing indeed
Someone gave it to me
Someone stole it from me
Someone showed me right
Someone showed me wrong
Someone helped me put it all together
Someone else reaped the reward
-
Winning and losing
Sincerely I wanna commit a sin dearly
Whenever you are a near me
Two shadows fighting over a waining light
Delighting in this reverie
Every time I think of you
Another chink in my armour reveals itself
So appealing is the thought of losing to you
For even when I lose I win
How could I refuse this sin?
My muse you may find this amusing
This confusion of winning and losing
Makes you merely more alluring
Assuring me of the assertion that by losing myself to you.. I’ve won.
-
Calling the ‘rents
Hey Pops! Hope you’re well
You sound agitated I can tell
Listen Dad, please stay at home
Don’t leave without reason
One day soon we’ll roam I promise
But right now it’s open season on your life
Mine too I suppose, who knows right?
No Dad I’m not calling you old
I wouldn’t dare question your youth
For once Dad please do as your told
I’m a little bit scared, to tell you the truth
You know what I mean
Now sit your ass down
Be there for your Queen
Or she’ll be left holding your crown
Actually is mum there? Give her the phone
Remember Dad stay at home!
I don’t know when I will see you again
Stay smiling and stay alive until then..Hey Momma, how are you today?
It sucks that I have to stay away
Apparently it’s for the best, lets see
Anyway tell me
How’s the rest of the family?
Yeah, I got your latest WhatsApp I think
Honestly mum, I lose track of the links you send
I told you that they’re fake don’t open them
If they make you shake your fist
Then try to resist ok?
If that auntie persists on sharing this crap
I’ll report her as a terrorist I swear
Ok I’m being silly but seriously try to rest
As you always say, this life is a test
Don’t let it best you, be strong
God forbid something goes wrong
Let me know if there’s anything you need
I hate to admit this
But I wish I heeded your warning
I wish I came home more often
Instead of sitting here mourning the fact that I don’t know when I will see you again
Hopefully you can tell me off to my face soon
I swear I’ll listen like it’s my favourite tune
And we’ll all be together immune to the world that kept us apart
I look forward to holding you both again
For now I’ll hold you in my heart
Take care Mum, look after Dad for me
Don’t be sad that we’re far away
Be glad that someday will be here soon
And we’ll all be drinking chai in the same room
Ugh fine..Inshallah we’ll all be drinking chai in the same room..
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