A death where no one died
Where a truth was undone
The game was over
Yet nobody won.
Tag: relationships
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In the stars
The universe may be infinite—
As I believe is love
Yet just as the universe entropies,
Eventually,
love drifts,
sometimes lightyears away—
fragmented
Given away willingly,
sometimes unwittingly,
Fallen into orbits long left behind,
or ahead
It’s hard to say which way;
that’s the trouble with entropy
All I know is, it lives on, apart from me—
not created nor destroyed
Timeless fractures, destined to be,
stardust stretched across the galaxy’s expanse,
glancing back with longing and askance,
yearning to be whole again,
a burning comet in pursuit of its own tail
To that end, it will surely fail,
but oh, the tales it would tell if it could
The thought’s a comforting one,
even if futile
So I quiet the longing,
close these eyes,
and smile.
You’re all in the stars now,
as you always were,
and will always be
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Autumn leaves
I snapped out of my daydream
Rustling leaves outside
It must be you
I drew back the curtains
I drew in an excited breath
Sadly not true
Perhaps a shrew running through
Or a ghost
An echo maybe
At most my imagination
Fooling myself
Soothing myself
Closing the distance
Your fingertips to mine
Your eyes to mine
Your breast my headrest
Surrendering to you
At peace with you my love
You..
Deserving of praise beyond asinine musings
Your memories confuse my solitude
When the sun shines I wonder if it touched you first
Did this breeze carry your voice?
How did you become mine in the first place?
How did you hear me through the noise?
Why me?
Why us?
Rhetorical questions
Spare me an answer my love
I’m lost once again
Absent-minded reflections
Mirroring my absent love’s perfections
All this from a rustling of leaves..
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The lineup
Standing in the dusty light waiting
Confused
Debating the purpose of the circus to come
‘Bring them in’ a gravelly voice strains
An insane clown posse shuffles through the door
Oh my god, it can’t be
Erm, what’s the deal officer?
What is the meaning of all this?
These faces
Intimately known
Infinitely bound
One by one, the visages raise their gazes
Mirages of stories told and left unsaid
Shackled in time
Wracking my mind, I recall them one by one
The gravelly voice rises once more
Well?!
Who was the villain?
Who broke the camel’s back?
I was dumbfounded
‘Erm, officer what do I make of this parade?
Seriously, what is this charade all about?’
Without stuttering he repeats the question
Who is the villain?
Now, I feel them
Eyes on me
All eyes on me
Questioning gazes
Searching gazes that cannot find me
Amused, bemused, indifferent even
I can’t bring myself to meet them
Eyes, I’d once greeted with an embrace
Faces, I thought once mine
I turn away
Breathing deep, the gravity of it all
Perturbed, by the brevity of this farcical situation
I honour their gazes
One by one
I meet their eyes with no challenge and no pain
‘Officer‘
Turning to the gravelly voice I confess,
‘This mess has no villain nor victim
I say, convict them
They say, convict him
Villains to me
Or I to them
Officer this dualism does not suffice
So let’s not sacrifice a soul for a soul
A what for a why
An eye for an eye
Intentions lost, in unintentional damage
Imaginary friends, faded into memory
Let them go officer
A one way mirror, is not befitting of a glass house’
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Strange love
Love is a strange thing indeed
Someone gave it to me
Someone stole it from me
Someone showed me right
Someone showed me wrong
Someone helped me put it all together
Someone else reaped the reward
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Winning and losing
Sincerely I wanna commit a sin dearly
Whenever you are a near me
Two shadows fighting over a waining light
Delighting in this reverie
Every time I think of you
Another chink in my armour reveals itself
So appealing is the thought of losing to you
For even when I lose I win
How could I refuse this sin?
My muse you may find this amusing
This confusion of winning and losing
Makes you merely more alluring
Assuring me of the assertion that by losing myself to you.. I’ve won.
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Calling the ‘rents
Hey Pops! Hope you’re well
You sound agitated I can tell
Listen Dad, please stay at home
Don’t leave without reason
One day soon we’ll roam I promise
But right now it’s open season on your life
Mine too I suppose, who knows right?
No Dad I’m not calling you old
I wouldn’t dare question your youth
For once Dad please do as your told
I’m a little bit scared, to tell you the truth
You know what I mean
Now sit your ass down
Be there for your Queen
Or she’ll be left holding your crown
Actually is mum there? Give her the phone
Remember Dad stay at home!
I don’t know when I will see you again
Stay smiling and stay alive until then..Hey Momma, how are you today?
It sucks that I have to stay away
Apparently it’s for the best, lets see
Anyway tell me
How’s the rest of the family?
Yeah, I got your latest WhatsApp I think
Honestly mum, I lose track of the links you send
I told you that they’re fake don’t open them
If they make you shake your fist
Then try to resist ok?
If that auntie persists on sharing this crap
I’ll report her as a terrorist I swear
Ok I’m being silly but seriously try to rest
As you always say, this life is a test
Don’t let it best you, be strong
God forbid something goes wrong
Let me know if there’s anything you need
I hate to admit this
But I wish I heeded your warning
I wish I came home more often
Instead of sitting here mourning the fact that I don’t know when I will see you again
Hopefully you can tell me off to my face soon
I swear I’ll listen like it’s my favourite tune
And we’ll all be together immune to the world that kept us apart
I look forward to holding you both again
For now I’ll hold you in my heart
Take care Mum, look after Dad for me
Don’t be sad that we’re far away
Be glad that someday will be here soon
And we’ll all be drinking chai in the same room
Ugh fine..Inshallah we’ll all be drinking chai in the same room..
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Proud of you
Spy into my eyes and see yourself
Snapshots of times gone by
Glimpses of dreams to come
A mosaic of memories
Step back for the grand reveal
Each piece significant in its place
From those sad moments that awash your eyes with the colours of fall
To the better times colouring you in a sunshine glow
So step back and marvel at what you are
What you will become
What you will have been
You are the star
You are the show
You are the curtain call
You are the encore
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Ma
Selfishly Ma, I want to tell you all
Breaking your heart into shards that will make you bleed
You raised a man to be proud of I hope
But in truth I’m nothing, nothing like the template you cut me from
A failure in your eyes?
Welling up, the heartbreak would drown you and I
The truth of myself is not what you expected
A charade, a show, a charlatan
How I wish you knew me
Though knowing that knowing me would destroy all you know
I guess I will continue with the show
I love you too much to let me hurt you
My head sits on your shoulder
And it feels like no-one has ever been closer
Yet in truth I’m so far from you and the older I become
The harder it is to play dumb
To play the son you wanted
Trying to be numb to the lie that ties us
To be blind to all that divides us
A commotion, a fuss thats really all pretend
Regardless of it all Ma, I’m yours..
Devoted till the end
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The little sofa
When we sat on that little sofa, forever struggling to find a comfy yet romantic position
Sometimes your head ended up in my armpit,
or my big hand would block the TV
Try as we might, we just didn’t fit on that little sofa
The sofa on which you could stretch like a cat in pure nirvana
And then along I’d come to swallow up all the space and squish your glasses, in what I thought was a loving embrace
More like a chokehold I guess
Eventually grumbling we’d give up and sit up
Then inevitably like the night before
Your head would sway and slide down my shoulder
Another movie night ending within the first 5 minutes – for you at least
Eventually comes the little snore as you’d begin to dribble
But I dare not move and ruin this moment
To see you in total restful bliss
Giving you a butterfly kiss, I’d look on and be overwhelmed by the warmth of you
Your ugly, peaceful sleeping gurn was what it was all about
On that little sofa, was once our little world
And now we sit worlds apart
Torn from that little world we made our own
To make our own way now, alone
The adventure is thrilling and yes the seas have been rough yet I always make it to the shore in the end
So it seems strange, how it’s on these sandy beaches where I find myself sinking sometimes
Reminiscing about that little sofa once more.
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Waves
The cotton sheets lay crisp between us
A glistening drifting strait between us
Along the shore
I see a setting sun between us
And all promises left adrift between us
The sky’s aglow in the colour of your eyes
Eyes gazing across the rift between us
Eyes that were once a bridge between us
Turning away
Saying goodbye
Now teardrops fill oceans between us
And I don’t know how to swim
The waves are far too strong between us
So my heart sinks and sinks and sinks
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Moments
Sometimes I can’t catch a moment and months fly by
And then like dust in the wind it gets right in my eyes announcing it’s sudden arrival
Yet those moments in which I’m lost in thought about my love
Those are the strangest sweetest pains of all
At once the sensation of having no ground strong enough to catch the sinking feelings and then it catch me all the same
Bittersweet nostalgia of all yesterday’s laughter and love swirling above my head
Though time after time I see more and more that is not fragment of memory but a fictitious few seconds of a moment that never happened
I realise now that these fleeting seconds are hope
Hope of days to come when my love and I will chase the sun and leave the lonely nights behind
Those are my most cherished moments
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The Bus stop
I’ll be waiting by the bus stop
Come find me if you can
Opposite the gift shop
Come find the lonely manIt’s Wednesday night once again
And that means date night you see
I’ll be waiting for my best friend
Look for me by our treeThe one on which we carved our names
Down by the waters edge
Where we once danced unashamed
Where you fell in to my arms outstretchedI’ll be holding autumnal flowers
As the summer has drifted away
Come soon though, it’s been 8thousand hours
And my beard grows greyer by the dayBuzz me in, I’ll be outside your gate
With two rollies in my pocket
It’s cold out here and getting late
And all I have left, is your picture in my wallet
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Nostalgia #1 AR
To my left and right a blur of memories.
Your laughter; the glow of your cherry blossom skin that shimmers enviably in eternal sunshine.
The feather like touch of your angelic hands as they grasped mine.
The knowing that these will be mine to hold always.
A momentary warm feeling preceding the hollow hurt that predictably follows.
Grasping at memories only reaffirms how empty my world is without you my love.
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Little Thief
Like a cloud threading through the breeze up high
Your hair dances in the wind with childish delight;
spread like wings catching the final glints of summer
You fly south to escape the winter and here I am,
huddled next to the crackling warmth of your memory
Patiently awaiting the return of the sun
Longing to see the light you stole away on your wings
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Night Drive
Three in the morning and we’ve done it again
The same promise we secretly promised to break
Tiredness never reaches the eyes
Or it does but we choose to pretend
Holding her in my eyes, as if one glance away will steal her from me
Never breathing deep, as the butterflies won’t rest in my chest
Struggling to maintain mystery, as my mouth keeps giving away the rest
Walking her to my car a thought tickles me
Has anyone else ever noticed how her eyes bewitch under a street light?
Even In that dull orange glow
Somehow she steals the show
There go the butterflies again
Breathe now Hammez, breathe
Finally in my Bentley, or so it feels right now
We take the same left turn and ride into the night.
Never quite sure what my DJ has in store
Deep dirty beats or a cheese filled score
Ah, If only I was a chameleon man
I’d easily keep one eye on her and the other on the road
Stealing glances at red lights, never quite enough
Smiling, singing, teasing, giggling
My co pilot, my confidante
As I shift gears her hand holds mine
I’m no believer but surely this is a sign
Reaching her home
Reaching in for a kiss
‘Keep the lights off’ she insists
Undercover lovers
Reminiscing another night under the covers
I drive home wondering how there were ever any others
Ask me what it is she possesses
That has me lost in her caresses
I’ll start with my heart
You fill in the rest.
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