I want what is mine already
I already want something else
Steady isn’t my style, think of all that I’d lose staying steady
No, thank you but i have to juggle it all
I refuse to be the clown in this circus
Struggling isn’t in my vocabulary you see
I’m the lion that can’t be tamed
The whip is in my hand
I’ll whip myself into shape before you ever see me struggle
In fact
You probably want to be me
And want what I had
What I’ve forgotten already
In a blink, you’ll eye up what she had instead
Or want to say what he just said
Words you don’t understand but sound profound
You’re not wandering the libraries
You’re elbow deep in the lost and found
I know, because you are me
You want what is yours already
You already want something else
You’re a clown that thinks it’s a lion
Now step aside, I have all you can give
You have no more
And that is all I want
Tag: poetry
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Lions and Clowns
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Evening stroll
The quiet seclusion of an empty street before me
Walking alone, hands in my pocket though it’s not cold
Silence sweeps all the way around the bend in the road ahead
Between the street lights my shadow plays hide and seek
And I can’t tell who is following who
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Proud of you
Spy into my eyes and see yourself
Snapshots of times gone by
Glimpses of dreams to come
A mosaic of memories
Step back for the grand reveal
Each piece significant in its place
From those sad moments that awash your eyes with the colours of fall
To the better times colouring you in a sunshine glow
So step back and marvel at what you are
What you will become
What you will have been
You are the star
You are the show
You are the curtain call
You are the encore
-
The Weaver
Through the needle your story is woven
Not a sound is heard yet your story is spoken
The threads tell tales of your joys and pains..how sad is it then that through all of this; the silence between us remains unbroken
What do you know of I and I of you?
Perhaps the silence keeps us honest
When your eyes look into mine
All we can share are our truths
-
Alvida
There’s still a little flame that burns me
A faded light that turns my attention elsewhere
Where I face obverse to where I travel
Though the road unravels ahead
The dim flicker of the old flame kept my eyes aglow
Bends in the road and I stumbled
Fumbling as though blind, though I still see a light
..fading..
the wick barely sticking to the droplets of wax, where once stood a pillar
My beacon once illuminated the sky and now it’s going to cease to be
And I watch..waiting to see it extinguish
In all its diminished glory
The lonely page at the end of the story
The flame wisps and whispers, breathing its last
Yet tomorrow is almost here
And I’ll have no need for candles
-
In plain sight
Sitting very still
The embodiment of tranquility
Awash in silence
Becoming nothing
So lost as to become everything
As pervasive as daylight
As veiled as the night
At peace in solitude
At one with it all
-
Round 1
Thirteen going on thirty,
His fluffy beard is kinda dirty
It belies that he’s a baby
But his dad won’t let him shave itSummers round the corner
with the weather getting warmer
The kitchens looking worn,
so he’s busy decoratingSanding paint and peeling paper
Playing catch-up with the neighbours,
An expert with the scraper
He leans further from his stoolFrom the lounge emerge faint noises,
It’s his parents rising voices,
Dad is getting restless
But its mum that makes the rulesSkilfully surreptitious
Hearing words that sound malicious
The mood darkens to become vicious
He’s refereed this match beforeNothing seems amiss
When he’s greeted by red mist,
Caught up amidst the fists,
As they continue to even the scoreSuppressing waves of fear
Prying fingers he holds dear
Catching an elbow to the ear
He begins to sense the toneParting the two beasts
He tries to make the peace
‘Help me hello police!?’
His mother screams down the phoneOut of the frying pan and into the fire
As if the situation wasn’t dire
Now he’s to judge who is the liar
Time is not his friendBetween a hard place and a rock
Keeping one eye on the clock
Suddenly hearing the dreaded knock
It’s time to play pretendSo his mother isn’t well
She didn’t mean to yell
That bruise is cos she fell
All in all she’s quite worn outNow you can’t deny
That dad has a black eye
But he’ll merely testify
That dad is clumsy without a doubtServing lies up on a platter
So charming with his chatter
Pretending it doesn’t matter
He has to bite his tongueGritted teeth distort his smile
The officer senses his beguile
But before she can put him to trial
Mum admits that she was wrongShe didn’t mean to call
She was confused after her fall
Of course there wasn’t a brawl
She says sorry and shrinks awayJust 15 minutes before
Dad was begging on the floor
He would never blame mum again he swore
It was groundhog DayThe officers hands were tied
She knew that mum had lied
Justice would be denied
But she had no other choiceShe consoled the boy in the hall
And though he was 6ft tall
He seemed so very small
And somehow lost his voiceHe wanted her to know
That this was all for show
And was begging her not to go
But his lips they never movedIn silence he stood and stared
At those for which he cared
Rooted as if he were snared
Waiting for the inevitable, round number two
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And so we swayed
The sun came down and the dust settled for a moment
Sitting still..so very still in the light of a thousand fireflies that waltzed through the whisps of lingering clouds
Seemingly caressing one another in an ethereal embrace
The grass cooled my hands
The air kissed my skin as gently as it could
Each breeze teased with a touch
Not long enough to know but enough to yearn for more
As the dusk succumbed to memory, we dancedThe cacophony of music and chatter blended into a divine melody
The jarring sparring of sounds held hands and swayed,
Feeling compelled I decided to do the same
There were no sparks when our hands touched
Electricity would be overstating
It was peace
An undeniable yet undescribable sensation both known and a stranger
My heart slowed as did my breath
This present would not be lost to history yet
Her head resting on my chest steadied me further still
This serene moment was ours
Below the stars yet above all the noise
Cocooned inside a symphony of our own volition, we swayed
And time stepped back
She looked up and held me in her regard
Her eyes a contradiction of power and vulnerability
Breathlessly she uttered ‘I will always lift you up’..
All I could do was press a kiss atop her crown
My words she stole away along with the air to power them
And so we swayedAt some point fireworks dimmed the stars
And a cheer echoed into the night I think..
In all honesty these trivial details elude me
And I have no qualms, for that moment with her in my arms, as I was lost in her disarming eyes will be enough
That moment when only the stars could reach us
That moment when we held hands and swayed
-
Ma
Selfishly Ma, I want to tell you all
Breaking your heart into shards that will make you bleed
You raised a man to be proud of I hope
But in truth I’m nothing, nothing like the template you cut me from
A failure in your eyes?
Welling up, the heartbreak would drown you and I
The truth of myself is not what you expected
A charade, a show, a charlatan
How I wish you knew me
Though knowing that knowing me would destroy all you know
I guess I will continue with the show
I love you too much to let me hurt you
My head sits on your shoulder
And it feels like no-one has ever been closer
Yet in truth I’m so far from you and the older I become
The harder it is to play dumb
To play the son you wanted
Trying to be numb to the lie that ties us
To be blind to all that divides us
A commotion, a fuss thats really all pretend
Regardless of it all Ma, I’m yours..
Devoted till the end
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The Mirror
The mirror does not lie
Nor does it tell you the truth
It is cursed to stand in silence
As you determine your own honesty
Seeing you for what you are
For what you were
What an unjust life
The life of the mirror
How many stories it has seen
With many more once yours is done
Longing to break its silence
And give the curse back
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The little sofa
When we sat on that little sofa, forever struggling to find a comfy yet romantic position
Sometimes your head ended up in my armpit,
or my big hand would block the TV
Try as we might, we just didn’t fit on that little sofa
The sofa on which you could stretch like a cat in pure nirvana
And then along I’d come to swallow up all the space and squish your glasses, in what I thought was a loving embrace
More like a chokehold I guess
Eventually grumbling we’d give up and sit up
Then inevitably like the night before
Your head would sway and slide down my shoulder
Another movie night ending within the first 5 minutes – for you at least
Eventually comes the little snore as you’d begin to dribble
But I dare not move and ruin this moment
To see you in total restful bliss
Giving you a butterfly kiss, I’d look on and be overwhelmed by the warmth of you
Your ugly, peaceful sleeping gurn was what it was all about
On that little sofa, was once our little world
And now we sit worlds apart
Torn from that little world we made our own
To make our own way now, alone
The adventure is thrilling and yes the seas have been rough yet I always make it to the shore in the end
So it seems strange, how it’s on these sandy beaches where I find myself sinking sometimes
Reminiscing about that little sofa once more.
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Moon dreams
You
Me
And a moonlit night
Opened my eyes and it was only the moon and I
With jasmine on the wind…
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HSBS
It’s 5.30 on a Thursday and there’s one thing on my brain.
Wine beers, banter cheers! Chatting shit until the room spins, necking gin until your puking. Open bar open season. Switch off your mind no need for reason.
Just heading down and I get collared. Mr Project Manager hollers that I have to see a client tomorrow.
‘There will be other agencies there too, we need you to represent the crew’.
Im thinking ‘Yeah safe.. another meeting where I sit in silence, while some suits start chatting finance and I’m wondering what the time is and why I’m even here.’
I mean ‘Cool I’ll see you in the morning but for now I’ll have a beer’.At 10am I stumble into Canary Wharf, completely dwarfed by the towers all around. Surrounded by the sound of shuffling grey suits and the impatient pounding of patent leather boots.
Altogether it was too much for my sore head to take, however the devil always wants his due and it was my bed to make.After a little getting lost and a pitstop for a coffee, It finally stands before me. HSBC.
Cutting to the chase, here we are now face to face, with a client called Marley, flanked by his three little birds.
Each an expert in their field he claimed, as was I apparently, allegedly, in web accessibility.
Unaware of this horrific oversell, the experts and stakes. My blasé attitude the night before was beginning to look like a mistake.
I didn’t know who these people were and why we’re even here. So thirsty for the beer, I made a pig’s ear of being prepared.
Overconfident in my assumption of the bit part I would play.
My ass now Marley would hand to me on a shiny silver tray.
‘So Hammez, today i want to know that you truly are the best.
The spotlight is on you now, I’m putting you to the test. Does your agency belong at the table? We’ll find out soon enough, now bend over and sorry not sorry but this is going to be rough.’
What the fuck? How the fuck? Surely this man is joking.
So I start to talk but I can barely breathe, oh dear god I think I’m choking!
My throat starts to close and bereft of all thoughts my mind begins to clear. An empty chamber with me in the middle surrounded by empty bottles of beer.
My knees were weak and my arms were heavy, but I’m no Eminem, so I passed the mic along and waited for the ground to swallow me.Marley laughed and I hated him.
My crew too who sat back to enjoy the view.
As the big red bus they threw me under, broke my spine in two.
If only they had warned me that this Marley’s got no chill. That he gets his thrills, from grilling you, until your smoked.
Perhaps I would have done my homework, perhaps I wouldn’t have choked.
But I should have cared enough to ask and put my ego in my pocket. Maybe I would have had the words and the power in me to stop it.
Instead of being so cocksure and ending up looking like a cock for sure, I might have actually prevailed.
But in the end I failed to prepare and ultimately I prepared to fail.
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Waves
The cotton sheets lay crisp between us
A glistening drifting strait between us
Along the shore
I see a setting sun between us
And all promises left adrift between us
The sky’s aglow in the colour of your eyes
Eyes gazing across the rift between us
Eyes that were once a bridge between us
Turning away
Saying goodbye
Now teardrops fill oceans between us
And I don’t know how to swim
The waves are far too strong between us
So my heart sinks and sinks and sinks
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Moments
Sometimes I can’t catch a moment and months fly by
And then like dust in the wind it gets right in my eyes announcing it’s sudden arrival
Yet those moments in which I’m lost in thought about my love
Those are the strangest sweetest pains of all
At once the sensation of having no ground strong enough to catch the sinking feelings and then it catch me all the same
Bittersweet nostalgia of all yesterday’s laughter and love swirling above my head
Though time after time I see more and more that is not fragment of memory but a fictitious few seconds of a moment that never happened
I realise now that these fleeting seconds are hope
Hope of days to come when my love and I will chase the sun and leave the lonely nights behind
Those are my most cherished moments
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The Bus stop
I’ll be waiting by the bus stop
Come find me if you can
Opposite the gift shop
Come find the lonely manIt’s Wednesday night once again
And that means date night you see
I’ll be waiting for my best friend
Look for me by our treeThe one on which we carved our names
Down by the waters edge
Where we once danced unashamed
Where you fell in to my arms outstretchedI’ll be holding autumnal flowers
As the summer has drifted away
Come soon though, it’s been 8thousand hours
And my beard grows greyer by the dayBuzz me in, I’ll be outside your gate
With two rollies in my pocket
It’s cold out here and getting late
And all I have left, is your picture in my wallet
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Little Thief
Like a cloud threading through the breeze up high
Your hair dances in the wind with childish delight;
spread like wings catching the final glints of summer
You fly south to escape the winter and here I am,
huddled next to the crackling warmth of your memory
Patiently awaiting the return of the sun
Longing to see the light you stole away on your wings
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Tribute
A doorway, an opening, a way out
A place where echoes are lost
Where the sun kisses the horizon;
the clouds whisper dreams the breeze carried in
Where eloquence conveys intricacies with simplicity
A cave for the coward and podium for the pompous
Allowing the dreamer to fly, the heartbroken to cry
and the madman to die.
The poem.
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