How did it get like this?
Tinnitus tinged silence
Absence for company
Penance for some unwitting crime
Solitude with a side of time.
Tag: loneliness
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Friday night
It’s a curious dichotomy
Anticipating yet awaiting nothing
Noone is at the door,
Nor will there be
Yet, when the wind rattles the latch,
I glance—
Just in case.
A lonely leaf, crushed into the doormat stares back
There’s still 3 hours till bedtime
Maybe I’ll vacuum tomorrow…
Maybe I wont
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The man
I’m a man’s man,
I don’t ask for no help
I go through hell alone and have a story to tell!
Down at the bar with my bros every blue moon
Cos I don’t see the need, in seeming to need to see them too soon
They don’t need to see behind the scenes and lose the mystique
Like a couple hours earlier when I was crying alone in my bedroom
That shit is too bleak,
I’d rather hide than seek a shoulder to cry on
I’m meant to be the strong one
The one they rely on
The joker, the charmer, the rational thinker
Part-time stoic and full-time drinker
Taking shot after shot but I don’t tend to the wounds
I only intend to consume
Letting nothing spill out
Drowning out the sorrow
Taking the pain home with interest tomorrow
To the same room where I sat and I cried
I’ll sit again and again I’ll ask why:
Why, why do I feel so disconnected?
Why do I feel so empty and rejected?
Why do I feel lonely when I’m rarely alone?
Why do I feel like a stranger when I sit on my own?
The guy from the bar now sat in my home,
He isn’t me
He’s a bunch of pleasantries and open ended questions
Hoping to blend into the scene without making a scene,
He’s seen by all but completely unseen
Shocked by it all, like some unforeseen circumstance
Even though every day, it’s the same old song and dance
But still, I’m a mans man
I don’t ask for no help
Better to burn alone than be dragged from this hell
Can’t risk the reveal by trusting another
By sharing how I feel with a man I call brother
Imagine if he knew all the darkness and pain
Would he meet my eye again or think I’m insane?
I’d rather reject myself and play another role
Instead of revealing the whole,
Revealing my soul,
Instead of pleading ‘Help me,
Please get me out of this hole!’
The man.
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Al fresco solo
To the naked eye, it’s an empty chair
Off white or weathered, maybe
Whether it is or isn’t is moot
The conversation I’m having with it is still a hoot
Or should I say, the face I see
The voice I hear
Between the waves crashing off the promenade
And the murmurings of other guests
It really is a busy night for dining
The bustle and the humidity
This table is a small sanctuary
Still, the clinking and drinking is causing such a din
I wish they’d hush so I could hear you better
Would it be rude for me to shush them?
Maybe confusing
Yeah, perhaps I shouldn’t
Let’s not indulge the delusion
You’re in my ear
For once I’ll say, speak louder so I can hear
First time for everything
I wonder what you’re saying
There’s a sarcastic twinkle in your eye
Don’t deny it, I can see
What is it you find so funny?
Okay, fine, I’ll stop hassling, let’s eat…
But when I look back to catch you off-guard
It’s the off white chair looking back
Slightly weathered, maybe
I forgot it was empty
I forgot I was…
There’s no…
It’s just me
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