There’s still a little flame that burns me
A faded light that turns my attention elsewhere
Where I face obverse to where I travel
Though the road unravels ahead
The dim flicker of the old flame kept my eyes aglow
Bends in the road and I stumbled
Fumbling as though blind, though I still see a light
..fading..
the wick barely sticking to the droplets of wax, where once stood a pillar
My beacon once illuminated the sky and now it’s going to cease to be
And I watch..waiting to see it extinguish
In all its diminished glory
The lonely page at the end of the story
The flame wisps and whispers, breathing its last
Yet tomorrow is almost here
And I’ll have no need for candles
Tag: Life
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Alvida
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In plain sight
Sitting very still
The embodiment of tranquility
Awash in silence
Becoming nothing
So lost as to become everything
As pervasive as daylight
As veiled as the night
At peace in solitude
At one with it all
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And so we swayed
The sun came down and the dust settled for a moment
Sitting still..so very still in the light of a thousand fireflies that waltzed through the whisps of lingering clouds
Seemingly caressing one another in an ethereal embrace
The grass cooled my hands
The air kissed my skin as gently as it could
Each breeze teased with a touch
Not long enough to know but enough to yearn for more
As the dusk succumbed to memory, we dancedThe cacophony of music and chatter blended into a divine melody
The jarring sparring of sounds held hands and swayed,
Feeling compelled I decided to do the same
There were no sparks when our hands touched
Electricity would be overstating
It was peace
An undeniable yet undescribable sensation both known and a stranger
My heart slowed as did my breath
This present would not be lost to history yet
Her head resting on my chest steadied me further still
This serene moment was ours
Below the stars yet above all the noise
Cocooned inside a symphony of our own volition, we swayed
And time stepped back
She looked up and held me in her regard
Her eyes a contradiction of power and vulnerability
Breathlessly she uttered ‘I will always lift you up’..
All I could do was press a kiss atop her crown
My words she stole away along with the air to power them
And so we swayedAt some point fireworks dimmed the stars
And a cheer echoed into the night I think..
In all honesty these trivial details elude me
And I have no qualms, for that moment with her in my arms, as I was lost in her disarming eyes will be enough
That moment when only the stars could reach us
That moment when we held hands and swayed
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Ma
Selfishly Ma, I want to tell you all
Breaking your heart into shards that will make you bleed
You raised a man to be proud of I hope
But in truth I’m nothing, nothing like the template you cut me from
A failure in your eyes?
Welling up, the heartbreak would drown you and I
The truth of myself is not what you expected
A charade, a show, a charlatan
How I wish you knew me
Though knowing that knowing me would destroy all you know
I guess I will continue with the show
I love you too much to let me hurt you
My head sits on your shoulder
And it feels like no-one has ever been closer
Yet in truth I’m so far from you and the older I become
The harder it is to play dumb
To play the son you wanted
Trying to be numb to the lie that ties us
To be blind to all that divides us
A commotion, a fuss thats really all pretend
Regardless of it all Ma, I’m yours..
Devoted till the end
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The Mirror
The mirror does not lie
Nor does it tell you the truth
It is cursed to stand in silence
As you determine your own honesty
Seeing you for what you are
For what you were
What an unjust life
The life of the mirror
How many stories it has seen
With many more once yours is done
Longing to break its silence
And give the curse back
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Waves
The cotton sheets lay crisp between us
A glistening drifting strait between us
Along the shore
I see a setting sun between us
And all promises left adrift between us
The sky’s aglow in the colour of your eyes
Eyes gazing across the rift between us
Eyes that were once a bridge between us
Turning away
Saying goodbye
Now teardrops fill oceans between us
And I don’t know how to swim
The waves are far too strong between us
So my heart sinks and sinks and sinks
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Moments
Sometimes I can’t catch a moment and months fly by
And then like dust in the wind it gets right in my eyes announcing it’s sudden arrival
Yet those moments in which I’m lost in thought about my love
Those are the strangest sweetest pains of all
At once the sensation of having no ground strong enough to catch the sinking feelings and then it catch me all the same
Bittersweet nostalgia of all yesterday’s laughter and love swirling above my head
Though time after time I see more and more that is not fragment of memory but a fictitious few seconds of a moment that never happened
I realise now that these fleeting seconds are hope
Hope of days to come when my love and I will chase the sun and leave the lonely nights behind
Those are my most cherished moments
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In time
The following poem is a tribute to my grandmother, who I unfortunately only got to meet once in my life because she lived in Burma and it was nearly impossible at the time to visit. She passed before I could meet her again..
Eyes on the departure board
Tripping on the uneven curb
Kicked up dust ambles into amber hues of sunset
It hits me
As unexpected as the last time
Yet familiar
The same swell of feelings, teasing each other, daring each other to unleash all they remember
In that plume of dust, the curb vanishes
The phone in my hand morphs into a tattered passport
The train station dissolves in a blink and I’m now seated, looking over my shoulder at a hazy figure, gradually diminishing from view
Sweating in the heat of this rusting old car, I wipe my brow, for I must see
An acrid smell of petrol distracts for a moment; a moment too precious to lose, since the distance will only grow now
Fighting against the bumpy road, I crane my neck further still
I can see her hand gently waving, as she takes another weary step into the dust trail left behind.
The same gentle hand that was a stranger to me not long before this moment
The same hand that somehow became the safest, warmest and most giving that I can recall
Her hand
That had nothing to give me, yet gave me more than I deserved all the same
Her hand falls to her face, as her face falls into her shoulders
The weariness of age played it’s part
Yet there was more to this dejected posture and faltering of steps than my young mind would allow itself to believe
She knew this was the last goodbye
Time would not be kind enough to wait for her
For any of us
Alas I was naively convinced that time was immaterial
Just a vessel with man at the helm
A plane, through which we chose our paths.
As devoid of purpose as a road with no-one to tread it
I was mistaken
The humble warmth of her smile belonged to time, as much as it did to my own memory
My memories, belonging as much to time as to myself
For in time they will fade
The distance between the memory of her and the present will only grow now
More dust will be kicked up as time moves forward
The finer details of her face will be lost in the haze; her touch will remain but the texture of her hands will elude me
Chipped away by the chisel of time; all that will survive is her essence
The only eternal amidst the flecks of forgotten memories
Now the dust trail fades, as her silhouette is swallowed by a fast rising sun
I have to relent and turn away from this abrupt blaze of light
The sun draws closer and closer until it rushes past my face with a howl and suddenly my train arrives.
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The morning
I’m on the bus this morning
Like every morning
Like everyone else…
I like to think I’m like everyone else
…on the bus this morning
I like to say it’s the morning
Though its way past dawn and
I think I’m gonna be late again.
Juxtaposed against the sunny sky, is my head this morning
A big old foggy mess, before the caffeine hit
See I’m just like everyone else
Like everyone else on the bus this morning
Barely blinking, head bobbing, mouth gawping
Ratty whilst racing to work this morning
Just trying to buy my freedom…
Freedom from the bus for one morning
From the gawping, bobbing fog for one morning
From turning like a cog for one morning
Freedom to be me.
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Night Drive
Three in the morning and we’ve done it again
The same promise we secretly promised to break
Tiredness never reaches the eyes
Or it does but we choose to pretend
Holding her in my eyes, as if one glance away will steal her from me
Never breathing deep, as the butterflies won’t rest in my chest
Struggling to maintain mystery, as my mouth keeps giving away the rest
Walking her to my car a thought tickles me
Has anyone else ever noticed how her eyes bewitch under a street light?
Even In that dull orange glow
Somehow she steals the show
There go the butterflies again
Breathe now Hammez, breathe
Finally in my Bentley, or so it feels right now
We take the same left turn and ride into the night.
Never quite sure what my DJ has in store
Deep dirty beats or a cheese filled score
Ah, If only I was a chameleon man
I’d easily keep one eye on her and the other on the road
Stealing glances at red lights, never quite enough
Smiling, singing, teasing, giggling
My co pilot, my confidante
As I shift gears her hand holds mine
I’m no believer but surely this is a sign
Reaching her home
Reaching in for a kiss
‘Keep the lights off’ she insists
Undercover lovers
Reminiscing another night under the covers
I drive home wondering how there were ever any others
Ask me what it is she possesses
That has me lost in her caresses
I’ll start with my heart
You fill in the rest.
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The fake aces
Time is a healer
But there is no pain
So sublime is the dealer
I love playing this gameThe tide isn’t turning
And my will is weak
This hand isn’t earning
I will lose this streakThere is no skill
Instincts at play
Eyes locked until
One blink betraysTurning up the cards
Revealing stone faces
Under the dealers regard
I play them as acesAblaze in the darkness
The spotlight hums
Testing my sharpness
Play smart or play dumb?But the dealer is smarter
The epitomy of wit
With this hand could I barter?
Or fold and submit?Down the river we travel
A swell of crimson shades
Alas my hand unravels
You bail with buckets not spadesTime is a healer
But there is no pain
So sublime is the dealer
I love playing this game
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The Train
The train in silent majesty
Easing along till it ceased
Settling in by the window
I await the visual feastThe train beginning to rumble
Cantering gently into its stride
The scene begins to emerge
Carved in two by the tracks divideIn the distance a settled picture
Rippling clouds in a perfect blue
Unlike the immediate chaos
Blighting a bountiful viewDeciphering what’s before me
In honesty more an attempt
Cocooned in the blur of colour
My senses begin to relentDaydreaming I begin to wonder
Awaiting the journeys end
The train begins to slow
Yet this stop I must transcendThe beauty of this place
Enveloped me in a breath
Stealing the air from within me
So enticing in it’s undressAt once tranquil and exciting
The doors open to reveal more
Crumbling fast I want to wander
So powerful is the rapportAlas I remain seated
Eyes down to stay calm
This is not my destination
I play with the ticket in my palm
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Unmasked
To a fanfare and a cheer
Comes the pinnacle of this parade
Dressed in his fineries
Please welcome
The king of the masqueradeRevered and respected
A fine spectacle indeed
Each act evokes,
All you could ask
All you could needAdmiration for the mask
The man, merely its stage
Honest eyes hidden,
Within the shadows of charadeYet the audience assumes
The audience wants more
But the show must end
The mask slips to the floor
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