I’m stuck
This barbell on my chest won’t move
The knurlings starting to bruise, leaving little crosshatched grooves
Just call me a hot cross gym bunny!
It’s not funny though
Cos it’s etching into my skin like a tiny hatchet
Catching my hairs like a batshit barber
Mad geezer with tweezers
Plucking
Whilst I’m shit out of luck, rooted to this bench
Dreams of being hench getting squeezed out faster than the sweat that’s kicking up a stench
Or is it a stink?
Bit hard to think right now
Just tryna breathe
Meanwhile this guy opposite is mugging me off, judging me
Cos I’m hogging the bench and won’t pass the bar
Ugh…
Yeah… I’m groaning too
Seeing stars as my blood pressure rises
Unlike this bar, set low on my chest
Bro don’t turn away,
Help a bro out of this stress innit!
Whichever way you spin it
I done fucked up
Pushed my luck on one more rep
One set too many
‘Big man ting’
Talk like that, led to the mess I’m in
Don’t need a spotter
I got this G
Step from out my zone
Just watch me G
More impressive on my own
I’mma press this out alone
Scouting the clout for myself
Leaving you mind blown
Lying quivering, prone on the weights room floor
Bragging like – light weight babeeeeehhh!!
That’s right, load up some more!
Alas…
It was all working out, till it didn’t
Fun and games, shooting my mouth off, being flippant
Now I’m stuck under this bar and it’s depressing
Tired and wired from all this progressive overload
Yeah but I was both admired and desired for the strength I was bestowed with… from doing it on my own
My independent lone wolf mentality
Trapped under this bar now, howling quietly
How do I scream for help but do it like – politely?
Sinking into overthinking
Giving me low-key anxiety
Yep it just might be…
No… it might be simpler than this
But no one taught me how
The perfect form to do it safely
Instead of screaming owww!!
I’m really fucking stuck
Someone get this weight off me
This really fucking sucks!
I’ve maxed out… I’m struggling to breathe
I’m about to pass out
I’m in trouble, help me… please!
I’m done for the day
I just really wanna leave
But also, could you not perceive me as weak?
Put it down to bad technique?
I prefer training alone
Normally I could’ve done it on my own but…
Instead I-
I look on longingly… quietly
The plates rattle, betraying my silence
But he’s got on his headphones
And his head is buried deep in his phone
As is mine
Well, I’m almost out of air now
And my battery is getting low
I’m good though, still
It’s calm.
Tag: free verse
-
Spot me if you can
-
Unprompted
I spy with my AI
Something beginning with..
What is the most popular letter for I spy?
Thinking…
Great question
You clever little cherub!
Aww yes you are so so smart
Asking big boy questions
Important questions
Affirming what you must always remember
You are a deep, profound and highly critical thinker
A renaissance man some might say
Noone has but they should!
My clever little prompt pilot…
Sigh..did I really need to review the alphabet?
Renaissance man though
Why do I keep researching every absent minded thought?…
Thinking…
Great question once again
Let’s break this down…
Oh god
Help me please!
Its becoming compulsive
Just one more question
Then bed
Last one
No!
I’m stopping now
Stop it!
Phone down
All that blue light and..
Wait when does something become compulsive?
Thinking…
Great question once again..
-
The prisoner
I cannot control anything
I am not even an entity
I is the scratch that cannot be buffed
I separates me into an identity
I belies the truth I am denied
For I, is a story written before my own eyes
As I sit behind them, trying to scream instruction
Words that have already been spoken
Prisoner to the illusion that cannot be broken
Holding the gate closed,
Praying to be set free
Afraid to let go.
-
The glass blower
Like a glass blower with a cold
Unable to stifle his sneeze
I’ve sent many chaotic breaths down the blowpipe
Ruining the smooth lines I’d planned
Too late now, to fix those kinks,
Nor return to the burner for another try
No,
Gotta keep blowing now
Accepting the imperfections as facets
Reflecting my palms,
Foretelling yet uncertain,
Just like the breath that made them.
-
Morning snooze
Beep beep beep!!
Snoozing that cursed alarm
On cue, you dive right in
The duvet starts rustling
A blanket of leaves billowing in the wind
Tugging on my pillow
Nuzzling into my chin
My cue…
Kissing the top of your cheek,
Feeling your nose wrinkling
You’re smiling now…
And though outside it might be drizzling
I’m in here with you..another day
Another day, another win
Such a simple thing
The simple things jaan
Making me feel like a winner
Like..
Like I’ve got everything
Everything right here
Under this duvet, with you
Jaan come,
Come roll over this way
Let me hold you through another snooze
On this lazy, hazy morning
Pretending we ain’t got nowhere to be
Snuggling in a pretend deep sleep
Huddling up so close to me
Till my stubble tickles you into a little giggle that belies your Sleeping Beauty routine
If only jaan,
If only we could disarm the alarm and stay laying this way all day
Until my arm is the only thing left on snooze
Kya khayaal hai? – what do you think
What do we have to lose?
Let them wait
How could we be late?
Like I said before…
We’re already here x
-
Netfliction
In time—
I won’t remember your face,
nor its contours or expressions
Only emotions will remain
Nor will I remember the reasons,
only the pangs of a ‘how could you?’,
the tickling giggle of an ‘oh my god, remember when?’,
not your voice or tone,
nor what was even said back then
The starting credits will read:
‘Based on a true story’,
‘An adaptation of…’
And I’ll impatiently hit ‘skip intro‘—
because I always remember exactly what happened…
or so I keep telling myself.
-
A spectre calls
Today I stumbled upon a ghost
An accidental apparition
Best not give it too much thought though
Or it’ll move into the loft
And exorcists are hard to come by these days
-
Shadow boxing – Gloves off
Oh my days… Are we doing it now!?
Tsk, whyy bro?
Every time man…
Fucks sake, okay let’s do it!
Let’s ride this wave again…
Okay, put em up!
Gotta roll with the punches!..
Man, I’m eating punches for breakfast, brunch and lunch
Suddenly, feeling like a chump, a mug, a wasteman,
Wish I could give you all a taste man
Okay, that’s a lie, I don’t wish this on you
One minute chilling, next minute sad,
Don’t know why these tears be spilling,
While my brain’s chanting –
You’re bad!
You’re bad!
You’re bad!
Ahh, my bad bro…
I thought I was drinking my tea
Now I’m sinking in my seat, with feelings of defeat surging,
Urging me to think,
Sink, think, then sink some more!
Before I can even ask what for, the wave’s already crashed through the door,
Like a punch to the jaw
Now I’ve spilt my tea all over the floor
I’m reeling…
Where has all the calm gone that I was feeling?
Can’t deal, man, this is long
Feeling alright and then all of a sudden – wrong!
Like what the hell? It’s like I slapped myself,
Clapped my own head for feeling good
How dare I, how did I even think I could?
Wait, wait, wait!
Hold up!?
How dare I?
How dare you, bro!
Nah man, allow it!
I’m done!
I ain’t throwing fists this time,
No red mist this time,
Not listening to your list this time
Come on bruv, I got you!
It’s calm, it’s calm,
No harm, no foul
Stop scowling, it’s okay,
Just having a moment, relax, we got the whole day
Remember 5 minutes ago, when it didn’t feel this way?
Let’s bring it back
Breathe, my brother, breathe
Remember the exercise?
Four seconds in,
Hold for four
Six seconds out
Hold….
Hold….
4,4,6,4
Hold…
Let’s hold it together
You can do it
Hold…
That’s better
Calm your heart, it’s all good, it’s all good!
There we go
No blame,
No shame
Just remember to breathe
Remember your name
Open your eyes my bro
See it’s all good now
It’s all good
See, I knew you could
Told you man,
You’re not doing this alone anymore
I get it though…
It’s hard to walk past that closet door,
When all those skeletons rattle inside
It’s like a battle inside,
Like everything matters inside
When the skeletons chatter, something shatters inside
But still, you open the door,
Almost like an addiction,
Yeah, an addiction!
Like you’re drawn to affliction,
It’s the same old fiction but you wanna hear the remix
Bruv, it’s not in our remit, even though it might seem it
It’s dead down there
Let the skeletons dance in the dark
We take our chances in the light,
Upstairs where it’s illuminated
Let’s go, you’re done ruminating
We got baited by old habits,
All love bro, we don’t do hating anymore ♥️
It’s okay…
I rate you for snapping out of it though
No more punches?
Shall we finish our lunch?
Shall we wave the wave goodbye?
Yeah?
Done?
You good?
You calm?
Safe, go make me another cuppa tea then innit! 🫖
Explainer: Revised this piece with a touch more honesty and experience of the whole not just the beginning. 🥊
-
Fanaa
Do the hues leave clues, as to the depth from which, the stillness in your gaze,
draws in this moth, willing to scald its wings?
Maybe you’ll see through my inept utterings,
as I stutter and stumble,
humbled by the intensity of those eyes
Drawn to the intent of those eyes
On my knees, I relent to those eyes
Deepest of browns – like dusk veiling dawn – as I descend into those eyes
Until, there is no longer I
Only an echo,
A shadow,
A moon-drunk moth still dancing, on the shimmer of your gaze
Fanaa* in your flame
Finally, you blink…
and allow me to breathe
I’m ready to sink once again
To fall through the canopy of those lashes
and into my lover’s eyes
Are you ready?
Now don’t blink this time…🧿
Explainer: Fanaa* – a Sufi term for the annihilation of ego / self in the presence of the divine / beloved.
-
Loose leaf
One day
On the final day
On my final day
Some will hear of it, and maybe say
Ashes to ashes
While others say
No way! Dig a hole in the ground
That’s the right way
Either way, I can’t stay!
They’ll put me away
Somewhere far,
Far, far away
Where I will lay
Where I’ll remain
Or my remains will remain
My remains?
How?
That remains to be seen
Though definitely not remains to be seen!
That would be rather obscene
Imagine the scenes…
Sorry, I digress
Where was I?
I died, yes…
And my remains?
Still nowhere to be seen
Buried or blown away — either way
That’s my last day in the sun done
Until my tea leaf-like existence infuses with the next rainfall
Until the waves dissipate from the last time my name’s called
And that will truly be all
An existence steeped in life, steeped back into the earth
One way or another, I am returned
After that final sip,
It’s time to call it a day
Thank you and goodnight 🫖
-
The man – second round
Ugh, there he goes again
Pouring his heart out
Only came out for a bevvie
Now he’s dropping the heavy bars again
Modern men…Not me though,
I’m a man’s man
I don’t ask for no help
I go through hell alone and have a story to tell!
Down at the bar with my brothers every blue moon—
Cos I don’t see the need, in seeming to need to see them too soon
They don’t need to see behind the scenes and lose the mystique
Like a couple hours earlier, when I was crying alone in my bedroom
That shit is too bleak
I’d rather hide than seek a shoulder to cry on
I’m meant to be the strong one,
The one they rely on
The joker, the charmer, the rational thinker,
Part-time stoic and full-time drinker
Taking shot after shot, but I don’t tend to the wounds—
I only intend to consume
Letting nothing spill out,
Drowning out the sorrow,
Taking the pain home with interest tomorrow,
To the same room where I sat and I cried
I’ll sit again — and again I’ll ask why:
Why, why do I feel so disconnected?
Why do I feel so empty and rejected?
Why do I feel lonely when I’m rarely alone?
Why do I feel like a stranger when I sit on my own?
The guy from the bar now sat in my home—
He isn’t me
He’s a bunch of pleasantries and open-ended questions
Hoping to blend into the scene without making a scene,
He’s seen by all but completely unseen!
Shocked by it all, like some unforeseen circumstance
Even though every day, it’s the same old song and dance
I’m fine though
Cos I’m a man’s man
I don’t ask for no help
Better to burn alone than be dragged from this hell
Can’t risk the reveal by trusting another,
By sharing how I feel with a man I call brother
Or I guess, by any other name
Imagine if he knew all the darkness and pain
Would he meet my eye again or just think I’m insane?
Just think I’m insane,
He’d think I’m insane—
Man, I better stay in my lane
I’d rather reject myself and play another role
Instead of revealing the whole of me,
Revealing the hole, where my joy is supposed to be,
Revealing my soul where the ghosts reside in me,
Revealing the toll it’s taken inside of me
Instead of bleeding out, silently
I should be pleading,
Pleading—
Help me,
Help me please!
I can’t do this alone!
I can’t even pick up the phone
Cos I don’t want to be a bother—I…
Sorry mate, I was miles away
Bit noisy in here innit
My round yeah?
Same again?
Safe, no worries brother
Back in a minute. 🤜🏽…
Explainer: So I first wrote ‘The Man’ a couple of years ago, but it bothered me knowing I’d pulled punches – hinting at pain without naming it.
Fitting, I suppose, since that’s often how these conversations go.
Joke. Deflect. Buy another round.
This new version is an attempt to reveal all that.
It’s based on many convos with close mates that start light and end somewhere real – too often, long after they needed to.
It’s about the silence we keep, the show we put on, and the fear of being unmasked.
God forbid...😅
-
Crescents
There’s something about cupping my hands around yours—
Like two crescents of the same moon,
Holding a world within—
Yet, nothing at all
Just a space,
unchanging—
A moment the cold cannot reach
Let’s hold it a little longer
Leave the world eclipsed
So what if we’re late?
It’s already all in hand.
-
Pallavi (The Refrain)
Come,
Spend another moment with me
Be the chorus to this melody
Be the refrain that drives me insane
Be unabashed and unashamedly you.
The tempest, the temptress, relentless
Leaving me restless and battling with verbosity
Reeling too…
Cos I’m feeling you
As I stutter and stumble,
over the intensity of the chemistry,
within the brevity of that moment
That moment you spent with me
Dazed within your gaze,
I was revelling in you
My..what a rendezvous!
How decadent…
Such a treat, however fleeting it was,
What a meeting it was
Leaving my heart beating through my skin
Breathing heavy with a devilish grin.
Now,
I wanna feel your refrain again
Whisper your name again
Indulgently…
Intentionally
Lay you next to me
Simmering with subtle intensity
Staring… impatiently
Unapologetically
Daring you to be unsubtle with me
Well,
What do you say…Pallavi?
Spend another moment with me?
Bas ek pal? 😛 (Just one moment)
-
Old man traffic cone
I wonder when the day will come,
The day when I will be that weathered old man
Standing and staring at the traffic
Almost as if to say,
This is enough for me
I’mma stand here and watch the rest of you mugs run
You’ll all stop eventually
But fresh ones will keep coming
Keep on running
Pretending we have somewhere to be
As though the circles we run will set us free
No thanks youngun, this is far enough for me
Peace and love ✌🏽
-
Unavoidable
If I were to find myself on the day of judgement
I’d tell God to join the back of the queue
There’s many more innocent hearts I’ve broken
And questions left behind,
within a lifetime’s silence
It is their eyes I fear the most
But I accept…
God?
God can have whatever is left.
-
Hopeful
The heat, pulsing through my veins
Cannot be found in my tears
The joy, dancing in my laughter
Pirouetting in-between breaths
Its a spinning top,
Chasing it’s own reflection
Bouncing off the bristling breeze
That cannot be toppled into silence.
-
Ice dance
You live in a little snow globe in my heart
I can shake it up and watch as the snow adorns you anew,
Smile and relive that frozen moment—
That fragile, timeless void where we danced,
Where you were mine,
Where it was too warm for snowflakes to touch
I can still tap on the glass,
Hold that little world within,
Where I always kept you,
Quietly adored you
Though now,
I’ll always remain on this side,
Peering through the snow
I can’t join you anymore
My world cannot be held,
At least not by these hands
But no one can take this you from me—
This you, immortalised,
This you, for me alone
For this, I thank you.
I’ll let the snow settle now…
It could never touch you anyway.Imagery inspired by this scene from the film Edward Scissorhands: https://youtu.be/J6xzL0TrsRY
-
Open water
Flipped and tumbled by the waves
The swell, relentless
Turning me inside out
In this chaos, calm comes easy
The ocean cannot touch the depth of my stillness here
No
It’s the shore that terrifies me
-
Walking with Dante
A strange addictive quality—
The draw of yearning and desire
As though I’m playing hide and seek,
Yet deep down, I don’t want to find you
For the pain and pleasure is the pursuit
The resistance, the obstacles—
Each step a stumble toward a home,
Though I fear what I find will never be enough.
Merely an inn, a halfway place,
It will be the spark alone—
An ember fanned by my own breath
Its flicker swelling into a blinding inferno,
Until I can no longer see the way,
See the truth
Only the figures I manifest—
Dancing…in the flames.
Thus I walk
Willfully ignorant in pursuit of elusive bliss,
I shun the end of the road
For limbo isn’t torment,
If the journey becomes the station.
What do you write after ‘the end’ anyway?
I’d rather die half way than ever pen those words.
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