I’m stuck
This barbell on my chest won’t move
The knurlings starting to bruise, leaving little crosshatched grooves
Just call me a hot cross gym bunny!
It’s not funny though
Cos it’s etching into my skin like a tiny hatchet
Catching my hairs like a batshit barber
Mad geezer with tweezers
Plucking
Whilst I’m shit out of luck, rooted to this bench
Dreams of being hench getting squeezed out faster than the sweat that’s kicking up a stench
Or is it a stink?
Bit hard to think right now
Just tryna breathe
Meanwhile this guy opposite is mugging me off, judging me
Cos I’m hogging the bench and won’t pass the bar
Ugh…
Yeah… I’m groaning too
Seeing stars as my blood pressure rises
Unlike this bar, set low on my chest
Bro don’t turn away,
Help a bro out of this stress innit!
Whichever way you spin it
I done fucked up
Pushed my luck on one more rep
One set too many
‘Big man ting’
Talk like that, led to the mess I’m in
Don’t need a spotter
I got this G
Step from out my zone
Just watch me G
More impressive on my own
I’mma press this out alone
Scouting the clout for myself
Leaving you mind blown
Lying quivering, prone on the weights room floor
Bragging like – light weight babeeeeehhh!!
That’s right, load up some more!
Alas…
It was all working out, till it didn’t
Fun and games, shooting my mouth off, being flippant
Now I’m stuck under this bar and it’s depressing
Tired and wired from all this progressive overload
Yeah but I was both admired and desired for the strength I was bestowed with… from doing it on my own
My independent lone wolf mentality
Trapped under this bar now, howling quietly
How do I scream for help but do it like – politely?
Sinking into overthinking
Giving me low-key anxiety
Yep it just might be…
No… it might be simpler than this
But no one taught me how
The perfect form to do it safely
Instead of screaming owww!!
I’m really fucking stuck
Someone get this weight off me
This really fucking sucks!
I’ve maxed out… I’m struggling to breathe
I’m about to pass out
I’m in trouble, help me… please!
I’m done for the day
I just really wanna leave
But also, could you not perceive me as weak?
Put it down to bad technique?
I prefer training alone
Normally I could’ve done it on my own but…
Instead I-
I look on longingly… quietly
The plates rattle, betraying my silence
But he’s got on his headphones
And his head is buried deep in his phone
As is mine
Well, I’m almost out of air now
And my battery is getting low
I’m good though, still
It’s calm.
Tag: colloquial
-
Spot me if you can
-
Shadow boxing – Gloves off
Oh my days… Are we doing it now!?
Tsk, whyy bro?
Every time man…
Fucks sake, okay let’s do it!
Let’s ride this wave again…
Okay, put em up!
Gotta roll with the punches!..
Man, I’m eating punches for breakfast, brunch and lunch
Suddenly, feeling like a chump, a mug, a wasteman,
Wish I could give you all a taste man
Okay, that’s a lie, I don’t wish this on you
One minute chilling, next minute sad,
Don’t know why these tears be spilling,
While my brain’s chanting –
You’re bad!
You’re bad!
You’re bad!
Ahh, my bad bro…
I thought I was drinking my tea
Now I’m sinking in my seat, with feelings of defeat surging,
Urging me to think,
Sink, think, then sink some more!
Before I can even ask what for, the wave’s already crashed through the door,
Like a punch to the jaw
Now I’ve spilt my tea all over the floor
I’m reeling…
Where has all the calm gone that I was feeling?
Can’t deal, man, this is long
Feeling alright and then all of a sudden – wrong!
Like what the hell? It’s like I slapped myself,
Clapped my own head for feeling good
How dare I, how did I even think I could?
Wait, wait, wait!
Hold up!?
How dare I?
How dare you, bro!
Nah man, allow it!
I’m done!
I ain’t throwing fists this time,
No red mist this time,
Not listening to your list this time
Come on bruv, I got you!
It’s calm, it’s calm,
No harm, no foul
Stop scowling, it’s okay,
Just having a moment, relax, we got the whole day
Remember 5 minutes ago, when it didn’t feel this way?
Let’s bring it back
Breathe, my brother, breathe
Remember the exercise?
Four seconds in,
Hold for four
Six seconds out
Hold….
Hold….
4,4,6,4
Hold…
Let’s hold it together
You can do it
Hold…
That’s better
Calm your heart, it’s all good, it’s all good!
There we go
No blame,
No shame
Just remember to breathe
Remember your name
Open your eyes my bro
See it’s all good now
It’s all good
See, I knew you could
Told you man,
You’re not doing this alone anymore
I get it though…
It’s hard to walk past that closet door,
When all those skeletons rattle inside
It’s like a battle inside,
Like everything matters inside
When the skeletons chatter, something shatters inside
But still, you open the door,
Almost like an addiction,
Yeah, an addiction!
Like you’re drawn to affliction,
It’s the same old fiction but you wanna hear the remix
Bruv, it’s not in our remit, even though it might seem it
It’s dead down there
Let the skeletons dance in the dark
We take our chances in the light,
Upstairs where it’s illuminated
Let’s go, you’re done ruminating
We got baited by old habits,
All love bro, we don’t do hating anymore ♥️
It’s okay…
I rate you for snapping out of it though
No more punches?
Shall we finish our lunch?
Shall we wave the wave goodbye?
Yeah?
Done?
You good?
You calm?
Safe, go make me another cuppa tea then innit! 🫖
Explainer: Revised this piece with a touch more honesty and experience of the whole not just the beginning. 🥊
-
Shadow boxing
Oh my days… Are we doing it now!?
Tsk, whyy bro?
Every time man…
Fucks sake, okay let’s do it!
Let’s ride this wave again…
Okay, put em up!
Gotta roll with the punches!..
Man, I’m eating punches for breakfast, brunch and lunch
Suddenly, feeling like a chump, a mug, a wasteman,
Wish I could give you all a taste man
Okay, that’s a lie, I don’t wish this on you
One minute chilling, next minute sad,
Don’t know why these tears be spilling,
While my brain’s chanting –
You’re bad!
You’re bad!
You’re bad!
Ahh, my bad bro…
I thought I was drinking my tea
Now I’m sinking in my seat, with feelings of defeat surging,
Urging me to think,
Sink, think, then sink some more!
Before I can even ask what for, the wave’s already crashed through the door,
Like a punch to the jaw
Now I’ve spilt my tea all over the floor
I’m reeling…
Where has all the calm gone that I was feeling?
Can’t deal, man, this is long
Feeling alright and then all of a sudden – wrong!
Like what the hell? It’s like I slapped myself,
Clapped my own head for feeling good
How dare I, how did I even think I could?
Wait, wait, wait!
Hold up!?
How dare I?
How dare you, bro!
Nah man, allow it!
I’m done!
I ain’t throwing fists this time,
No red mist this time,
Not listening to your list this time
Come on bruv, I got you!
It’s calm, it’s calm,
No harm, no foul
Stop scowling, it’s okay,
Just having a moment, relax, we got the whole day
Remember 5 minutes ago, when it didn’t feel this way?
Let’s bring it back
Breathe, my brother, breathe
Remember the exercise?
Four seconds in,
Hold for four
Six seconds out
Hold….
Hold….
4,4,6,4
You can do it
Calm your heart, it’s all good, it’s all good!
There we go
No blame,
No shame
Just remember to breathe
Remember your name
Open your eyes my bro
See it’s all good now
It’s all good
See, I knew you could
Told you man,
You’re not doing this alone anymore
I get it though…
It’s hard to walk past that closet door,
When all those skeletons rattle inside
It’s like a battle inside,
Like everything matters inside
When the skeletons chatter, something shatters inside
But still, you open the door,
Almost like an addiction,
Yeah, an addiction!
Like you’re drawn to affliction,
It’s the same old fiction but you wanna hear the remix
Bruv, it’s not in our remit, even though it might seem it
It’s dead down there
Let the skeletons dance in the dark
We take our chances in the light,
Upstairs where it’s illuminated
Let’s go, you’re done ruminating
We got baited by old habits,
All love bro, we don’t do hating anymore ♥️
It’s okay…
I rate you for snapping out of it though
No more punches?
Shall we finish our lunch?
Shall we wave the wave goodbye?
Yeah?
Done?
You good?
You calm?
Safe, go make me another cuppa tea then innit! 🫖
-
Shakespeare of innuendo
I’m makin’ it sexy before pressing send tho!
Cos I’m like the Shakespeare of innuendo!
My words slither so smooth, even snakes fear me
Wrapping myself around you
I’ll make yo leg shake…dear me!
Watch your step near me, I could bite
Seeing you there..mmmh think I just might!
I’ll keep it tight and concise
Precisely imitating what I see
Don’t keep me waiting though
Within you is where I wanna be..
Oops I let slip.. that was hardly subtle
I had a feeling that it was gonna be a struggle
That feeling that betrays the innocence of a snuggle
That feeling that says..we about to get in trouble
That feeling when I see your face and….
Okay backspace…backspace…backspace…
Shakespeare remember!
Crescendo that innuendo, take your time
I’ll steal away your body but first I want your mind
Look past instincts, this is cerebral
Allow taking you to church
Tonight I’m building a fucking cathedral!
I’ll soak you in a shower of letters
Envelope you in a blanket of words
Like supple leather they’ll bind your hands, over your head as they get more absurd
Whipping your wits till you submit and admit you’re done
Losing your mind but feeling like you won
All this yet the fun hasn’t even begun..
Thats more like it
I said everything but said nothing at all
Now…you’re reaching over to give me a call
Now…oops…you’re wearing nothing at all
Signing off,
Shakespeare of innuendo,
Cos you know…
I’ll be in you in the end…oh…for fucks sake
…backspace…backspace…
-
Cornershop blues
Bruv!
You think the dark is coming out?
My eyes man look
They don’t twinkle no more
Wrinkled like the little black bag from the *offy
Probably got the same contents too
A special brew cocktail
Rolly* after rolly
Holy moly and all that Molly
Keep rolling mate!
Covered in snow and it’s spring
Holidays are coming
And I’ve got the sniffles again
Flying with the kites
My mouth shooting shots
Till I empty my magazine
Cos vices got me twisted
I swear it was a detour but man I think I’ve drifted
The mood shifted
I was so fucked I missed it
Till I fell out of the sky
And my black eyes cried
And the shakes reached my heart
Breaching the barriers
No *tinnies left in my carrier bag to mask it
These chills that got inside of me
They told me it’s called anxiety
They told me it’s gonna die with me
But it will off me first
Offering to quench my thirst
Like the offy where it started.
So that’s where I’m headed…*offy – off license / liquor store
*rolly – rolled cigarette
*tinny – beer can
-
The shoes with flashing lights
Mum please
But they’re so cool
Look they flash!
Mum, don’t be so cruelYou have thirty pounds
I saw it in that bill
When you counted out the coppers
For the lady on the tillRed lights mum, look!
Please mum don’t be tight
I won’t play footie in them
I won’t let them out of sightMum why do you look sad?
Is it because you want them too?
Cheer up mum come on
You never get me anything newI won’t ask for anything else
Even on my birthday, nothing…
Yes! Thanks mum your the best
I knew you were only playingSize 3s please
In white and blue
No-ones got these
I’m gonna look well coolHold on
Why did you put that handbag down?
You said you saved up for it
Mum, that’s why we came to townOk, how do I look?
Mum? Don’t you like them?
They’re well mint
That handbag though..
You’ve wanted that since way back whenWhen I wanted the lion king video
You put the handbag down
When my bike broke
You put the handbag down
That time I wanted Gregg’s
Again you put the handbag down
No mum,
Not this time aroundThat handbag is nicer
It brings out your eyes
I want to make you smile mum
You always say it’s ok
Though you tell me its wrong to lieI wish I was that kid again mum
I wish you never had to lie
Mum you did so much for us
Yet we never even tried.
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