unsent draft messages

I abandoned you again didn’t I?
I promised you’d be seen and heard
That we would do this together
My ride or die that cannot be cured
That even the very notion is absurd

You were screaming in pain and I wouldn’t meet your eye
Scoffed when you cried, said you deserved it for all the lies and failures
I sounded like everyone else, as if I was one of them
I denied you a voice
Judged your choice to be your virtue
I really wanted to hurt you

Even wished that you would die
To be gone for good
To be lost to oblivion
Oblivious to the obvious paradox once again
That, you are me

I was done with you as my shadow
As if you were something to uncouple
Well, you burst that bubble didn’t you?
Thought I could drown out your pleading
Thought I could think you into a corner
You warned me once before but I never learned

When I tried to sever you, I bled too
Tried to shed myself of your weight from my shoulders
Denied you headspace
Tried to evict your every evocation and send you on a permanent vacation

You had to be heard though
So you beat your drum in my chest
Stole away my rest, so I could feel what you feel
The harder I pushed, the tighter you gripped my heart
Our heart
And that was just the start
You had nowhere else to go
You had no other choice, I know

I’m so sorry

You needed me and I kept kicking
Until you eventually kicked back
Until I became the shadow
And saw everything you saw
Until I cried for help, as if I was wronged
You had to be explicit for me to accept,
That I too was complicit
You waited patiently for me to sit with you, knowing I had to fall to find you

I’m so sorry

It’s so damp and cold down here
How do you even breathe?
The echoes are deafening
Gosh, I’m so sorry
I, I don’t think I’m ready to hug you yet
I still need time
But I’m willing to sit with you and plan our escape one day..

Together?