unsent draft messages

Am I now the elder I looked up to?
Man it don’t feel that way
I wonder, were they fucked up too?
Did they feel they strayed, often lay awake afraid thinking that they’re corrupt too?

Running out of elders to ask now
I ran out on my own, to own it alone
Now I’m home alone in a home on loan
Due on rent but never paid due to my ‘rents
Or did I? It’s hard to say
Look, it was hard to stay
It was inevitable we’d part ways
I wanted to say I did it my way
But my way meant the highway
Cos conditions weren’t good for me to thrive
Cos I was conditioned to just ‘be good’ to survive

When I hit the highway though..man I never felt so alive
Driving my hand me down
Wishing they could see me now
1.6 focus zetec
Telling myself it’s my time
It’s me next
I’m gonna smash the world
Gonna get me a girl
And all the basics a tween gets gassed about
15 years later I’ve got a hangover and a stitch

Man I’m gassed out
I need to stretch it out
Downward dog this thing
Sometimes, I feel I’m barking mad
Happy half the time and for that I’m glad
Grateful for the memories when I’m feeling sad
Sometimes, I think I’m just like my dad
He’s mad anxious and introspective
Reflective to the point that he’s ineffective
I can only see myself though, I’m being selfish
Cos beyond all his doubts he has forgiveness, kindness and a compassionate ease
Thank you dad, for giving me a piece of your mind
It’s not a sickness
It’s not a disease

Just gotta keep it in check
And forgive it sometimes
Give it some time
Help it not relive all the times
Maybe perhaps just stick it in a rhyme?

Shit that was deep for me..
Like something an elder would say?
Maybe one day
Now let me go dye those greys

Oh..wait..