unsent draft messages

I’m racing my tears
Putting words down before they fall
Righting perceived wrongs
Writing is where my emotions belong
Tears flow faster but they make no sense
Stringing sentences of discontent or joy that evoke tired clichés like ‘they’re heaven sent’, give me the peace and contentment I desire
The fire within burns with meaning through words
Dousing this with tears is a relief from grief and sorrow
But tomorrow I’ll be none the wiser
As the sun rises again, what will these tears have taught me?

Yet who am I even talking to
You are me
A voice in my head
My audience of one
Alone all along
And you don’t even understand
You’re a one man band
Beating your drum
Humming along to your own tune
Hoping to hear a harmony
Eloping with dreams
Flirting with the past
Dance monkey!
Dance!
Keep that music playing
Show the crowd how you move your feet
Prove yourself worthy
Stitch that melody into a song
Your patchwork quilt of memories and flights of fancy
Ignore the pleas of your tears
Keep pleasing the crowd
Push the fear down
Down beneath the surface
Be sure to face the people with a smile
Grind your teeth
Swallow the denial
Write your words
Sing!
Dance!
Run!
Stay a step ahead of the flow
You can’t swim remember
Don’t drown now
Keep on running
Don’t try to be smart
You’re not that cunning
Pretend you understand
Pretence is your right hand
Make the words mean something more
Be generous with verbosity
Don’t let them question your veracity
Let your capacity for narrative structure the story
Make the crowd believe you said something
Crown yourself in your rewritten glory
Let the cheer drown out the tears!
Now open your eyes
Watch the dust dance in the waning light outside
Alone on your throne
You type this on your phone